Summer Heights High » Quotes » Jonah

Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 |

Episode One

“There’s a difference between bullying and joking around. We were joking around with him, Sir. He doesn’t get it, it’s not my fault!”

“It’s not appropriate because he’s a homo. We were tryin’ to have a fun time on the way – before school.”

“Yes, he just didn’t get that it was fun. We weren’t even bullying him Sir, we just Punk’d him. We said, ‘you got Punk’d’ afterwards and he didn’t even get it.”

“You’re a legend, Sir!”

“Fuck you, Sir!”

“I did meet 50 Cent in the city. When he was here on the fucking tour.”

“I do have a fucking girlfriend, she’s from my old school… I dunno, Amanda or some shit.”

“Oh, Miss you farted! Miss just farted!”

“I don’t wanna go to time out, it’s not my fault you farted.”

“I’m in time out, I’m not in actual school.”

“Teachers at this school are so racist. They always blame me for shit. If anything ever happens in school, teachers go, ‘Jonah – he must have done it.’ Like if shit goes missing, or any kids are crying or some shit, they go, ‘Jonah must have fuckin’ done some shit.’”

“Sorry Miss, I’m just allergic to some shit up here. I must be allergic to your fart Miss.”

“Miss Wheatley’s just a bitch. She doesn’t even smile when she walks through the playground. If she doesn’t, she’s never gonna get a boyfriend if she’s so serious all the time.”

“Why don’t you smile for once, Miss? Have you got your period or what, Miss?”

“It’s boring to do work. If you don’t care about it why would you do it? I’d rather do fun stuff. And you can do fun stuff when you’re an adult, so why can’t you fuckin’ do it when you’re at school?”

“I live for breakdancing, and I wanna do it professionally when I get older.”

“Yeah, we got a reputation for being really tough and stuff, and teachers are fully scared of us.”

“This is the boys’ toilet’s, where we hang out sometimes just doing tagging and shit. This is my one, DICKtation. So it’s a dick, and then you just write ‘tation’ at the side. Like you know like dictation that you do in English.”

“’Lick my balls’, that’s one of mine as well.”

“Sir don’t come in, I’m pissing! Don’t look at my dick sir! Sir, you look like a poofter, don’t look at me!”

“’Cause he’s a Ranga. A Ranga, Sir. ‘Cause he’s got red hair – orangutan – that’s what we called him.”

“Well people are racist to Tongans, so we can be racist to Ranga’s.”

“Don’t laugh motherfucker.”

“Take a joke. Don’t you even know what Punk’d is? Why don’t you watch MTV for once?”

“Sorry homo.”

“Okay, I’ll look at him, shake his hand. Sorry Ben, motherfucker. He’s a fuckin’ homo!”

“Everyone goes, ‘Oh Jonah, he’s like a dumbarse Islander, and there’s no hope for him’. But they don’t understand that I’m just choosing to be dumb. I’m not dumb I’m just choosing not to be smart at the minute. But if I put in effort, then I could be really smart. But I choose not to, and they don’t get that.”

“What’s the difference between a dick and a penis?”

“I said I fucking love you. I fucking love you, okay? Motherfucker.”

Episode Two

“Don’t look at her, just pretend we’re talking and shit.”

“People always say I’m disruptive. They don’t even know that I’m just trying to make things more fun, and more interactive. Kids in the class don’t even care, because they’re doing their work, and they’re concentrating and it’s boring, and all of a sudden they get a joke. And they just get a little break from their work and they get to laugh. If that’s being disruptive, then fuck you. That’s not disruptive that’s entertainment.”

“It’s an English word. This is an English class, isn’t it?”

“Fuck you, Miss. I said ‘puck you,’ with a P. Don’t you even know how to spell, Miss?”

“I like what you’re wearing Miss. It looks nice on you. Is that from Sussan’s?”

“Okay Miss. You said put my balls on the ground! My balls are on the ground Miss, look! Stop molesting my arm Miss!”

“I’m not wearing this shit in front of anyone, Sir.”

“I fuckin’ hate Polynesian Pathways. It’s fucked up. They make you dance like a homo, and we have to do this performance in assembly.”

“Were there girls in your jail?”

“Respect your culture. Mm, yeah… motherfucker…”

“So when is this shit over?”

“I don’t fuckin’ go there! Your mum goes there! I don’t fuckin’ go to Gumnut Cottage.”

“Reading is the main thing I wanna do in my contract. ‘Cause if I could learn to read, then I could read books all day. I could read like, Harry Potter in a day.”

“It’s a bullshit children’s book, I don’t wanna fuckin’ read it anyway!”

“Why don’t you fuckin’ kill yourself, you bitch?”

“Miss Palmer’s all right. She’s one of the maddest teachers in the whole school. She’s better than any other teacher here.”

“Sometimes I give her electric shocks. Like you do your feet on the ground like this, like that, and then when Miss goes past I go, ‘Miss!’ and touch her and it gives her electric shock. And she just laughs at me.”

“She’s got a good sense of humour, and she appreciates me.”

Episode Three

“Piss off year seven’s! If you are in year seven you should not be here, piss off!”

“It’s not cum! It’s just milk or something.”

“So what I spoofed on my pants, so fuckin’ what? It looks good anyway! Bet you I’ll get some good comments about it today. Girls like this shit.”

“No, she’s ugly, Miss.”

“Miss, this is homo music! Put some hip hop on!”

“Shut up, don’t call me a poof.”

Episode Four

“That’s fucked up, Sir. Everyone will think I’m a homo if I start fucking running on the oval every time someone pisses me off.”

“I’m not a poofter, Sir.”

“Sir, how do you spell ‘fuck him up’?”

“D’you like this one, Miss? This is me doing this move, where I’m breaking right, and I get all this mad air, and I’m fully in the air for like, um, about eight seconds. And everyone’s like flipping out because they’ve never seen a boy do that before.”

“See that one? He sees the hot chick and he cracks the fat… Why not Miss, too rude for you?”

“This is this motherfucker laser beam that I use to fuck anyone off that comes near that I don’t like.”

“'Fuck you Miss’ ‘cause it’s a teacher. Not you, it’s another teacher that I don’t like.”

“Stop fucking perving on us, Miss.”

“We’re reading books, you’re supposed to read them on the ground. It’s a library.”

“What do you think this is, idiot?”

“Just my dad touching my dick or something.”

Episode Five

“What if you can’t be fucked doing it on the day?”

“No way, we hate year 7’s!”

“It’s not our fault they’ve got no friends.”

“They look gay as!”

“So, have you got problems?”

“Shut the fuck up! They’re not my friends, motherfucker! I have to do it as a program! They’re homos!”

“So paedophile Pete said you’ve got social problems or some shit? The fat one, tell me first.”

“Hey Ranga, go and get me a Strawberry Break from the canteen. You pay for it.”

“We worked out that there’s some good things about having the little brothers around. Like you can make them do shit for you, like do your homework.”

“Hey Sir, just talking about life and social problems.”

“Yeah I just made a comment about him being fat. And he is Sir, look at him!”

“Look at this! We’re doing my tag on every motherfucker.”

“Your boobs look fine, we’re all waiting for you. Drew a zinc bra on him, see?”

“Give me the zinc. I wanna draw my dick on you.”

“We’re gonna take a photo of my bum, ‘cause my phone – it’s a camera phone – and then we’re gonna send it to all the teachers.”

“How do you know what my arse looks like, Sir? Have you been thinking about it?”

“Delete the photo Sir. You can’t keep it for your private collection.”

“You got your pants wet Sir!”

Episode Six

“At least we can dance, motherfucker.”

“Your mother’s the one with man boobs, motherfucker.”

“Why don’t you fuck your own arse?”

“It’s not about bullying him. He was teasing me. He was being racist.”

“He made fun of me not being able to read, Miss.”

“I knew they’d fucking go straight there.”

“This is ten metres, motherfucker. Get a ruler if you don’t believe me.”

“I got suspended! Three days suspension!”

“I had to go see Miss Murray, and she said that my dad had to pay for the lockers t obe fixed and repainted and shit; and Dad said, ‘fuck off’ to them.”

“And you didn’t turn up to Poly Day, motherfucker. You owe me.”

Episode Seven

“That’s a homo thing to do. I’m not doing that, Sir.”

“I’ll feel bad. I don’t wanna go to Tonga. I’ll miss my friends’; I’ll miss this school. I went to Tonga once when I was 10 and it was shit.”

“Miss, why do we have to call it Gumnut Cottage Story Day? It sounds like a children’s’ thing.”

“Fuck off Miss! Don’t! Sorry for saying fuck off.”

“Go away Miss. Trust me for once.”

“Don’t fuck with me Miss, you’ll regret it.”